I once had a friend named Brian*

I once had a friend named Brian*
He confessed he liked cocaine and hookers
And knowing his kind I knew he wasn't lyin'

Just like the time he said oil was the future
And how he couldn't hate public schooling
Because his momma was a special education tutor

He loved his family and his country and his SUV
And defense spending and warmongering
Because you know freedom isn't free

I expected to find him in the bar around ten
And I didn't have to wait long before
Greeting him with 'I thought I smelled gin'

He stared at my cleavage like any other man
But lacking political correctedness
'How big are your tits?' asked the Republican

Nonchalantly pulling out a wad of $100 bills
Eschewing formality or frugality
Always covering the night's alcohol, women, and thrills

Too early the bar was shutting down
Though the crossfire lingered
Both refusing to cede any ground

Stumbling our way down the rainy rues
He suggested we recess at his place
Obstinately ignoring all my social cues

'I thought we were gonna kiss' said the would-be debonair
But all I could think was
You should really cut your hair

Mainly, I liked him because he was an original
*Name changed to protect the campaign
A party-line neocon in a land of liberal